World Youth Day 2016: A Pilgrimage to Peace

Jack the Bulldog in front of Świętego Józefa Church in Kraków, Poland

Since arriving in Kraków, Poland, I  have struggled to describe the experience I had while in JPII and St. Faustina’s great city. Back stateside, I always answer, “Poland was amazing!” when people ask about the pilgrimage, and I always feel like I’m lying.

The truth is this: World Youth Day changed and challenged me. From the moment my father dropped me off at the Omaha airport to the second I hugged my mother hello a week later, the trip to Poland was not an easy one. There were of course moments of great joy and companionship, but there were also moments of spiritual distress and intense physical discomfort. Perhaps great change can only come after great unrest; if so, it’s no wonder that I feel fundamentally different after visiting Kraków.

The simple, superficial reasons for discomfort were plenty. We slept on a gym floor, we walked 75+ miles in one week, we were often rained on, our feet blistered and our muscles ached. A few people in our group even lacked their luggage for half the trip as the airline attempted to find it. Bathing occurred infrequently as we had to share four showers with some fifty other people. Our trip to Poland was by no means a vacation.

The wonders, adventures, and realizations made the pilgrimage so much more than these physical discomforts. I walked the streets of Kraków with the deep conviction that I was meant to be there and I simply had to wait to discover why. I was surrounded by the love of God, embodied in the careful & adoring architectures of the the churches and in the joyful demeanors of my fellow pilgrims and of the Polish citizens. One morning a short Polish woman stopped me and two of the other Hoyas on the street, asking where we were from and profusely thanking us for coming. She hugged each of us and asked us to pray for her; I can still clearly picture her beautiful and excited smile.

Father Greg Schenden and a Polish nun in the Adoration Chapel of Świętego Józefa Church

In the most simple terms, Kraków gave me a reason to live, a reason that is all my own and not motivated by external factors and pleasures. During Saturday night’s vigil, Pope Francis implored us essentially to do better and do more. I cried through most of his speech. How, I thought, can I do better and more when I already feel tired down to my soul and aching for rest? I had come to Poland hoping to rejuvenate my spiritual life and no longer wonder why God makes me and others suffer. Instead of being given that peace, I was asked to try even harder, to push through the pain and reach out a hand to my neighbors. I felt almost betrayed and scolded.

The next morning during the closing Mass, something within me shifted. I can’t tell you what, but I could feel it; suddenly I knew that I must live even through physical pain, even through mental and emotional anguish, even through spiritual desolation, not because doing so is what’s right and moral but because I am here on this earth for something. Sometimes life is hard and rest does not come, but I am here and will be until God decides my time here has finished.

World Youth Day is an indescribable experience with love and pain and God and friends, and in Kraków this summer I found peace. So despite the vast oversimplification, I will still say: Poland, World Youth Day, Kraków, was amazing.

Dziękuję, Polska. Dziękuję, Cracovia.

Again, But Better

VCW 237, finally decorated after being occupied for three weeks

Robin the kitten in a friend's backpack

“There is a kind of magicness about going far away and then coming back all changed.”
― Kate Douglas Wiggin

Hello again, dear readers!

I have been back on the Hilltop for a little over three weeks now. I'm living in Village C West again, this time as an RA (resident assistant). I have thirty residents, who are all lovely and will likely be extremely successful here at Georgetown. (None of them is friends with me on Facebook and therefore none of them knows this blog exists, so I'm not just saying that!)

Classes just started last Wednesday, and they're picking up slowly. I know I should cherish the free time while I have it, but I'm getting antsy without that much to do. I am currently enrolled in four classes and on the waitlist for a fifth. I might actually get off the waitlist for the theology course, which would be fantastic; I had the professor last semester and loved her, so I'd probably enjoy taking another of her courses. All in all, I have a decent academic workload this semester! I have Tuesday afternoons entirely free, Monday and Wednesday from 11 to 3:30 free, and Fridays after 12:15 free. It's a solid schedule, and gives me plenty of time to attend to my many obligations. Below are my classes for this semester!

1. Linguistics: Grammatical Analysis
2. Linguistics: Language & Social Justice
3. Justice & Peace Studies: Peace Is Possible
4. Spanish: Gateway to Linguistics
5. Theology: Judaism & Gender

So far I really enjoy being an RA. I've been able to meet such incredible people that I otherwise would not have known, and I love being a resource and support for first-year students. My residents seem to love my cat, so hopefully that means I'm actually helpful to them in some way, even if it's just by providing some relaxation through kitty play time.

My kitten Robin is adorable and wonderful, and he is learning not to attack my legs, so overall, he and I are getting along well. For the most part he seems happy in the dorm room; he does get annoyed when I spend a lot of time outside of the room, but I try my best to give him enough attention and let people come over to play with him when I have to do work.

It's interesting to be back at Georgetown after three months away. In those three months, I visited Spokane, Washington, and met students from other Jesuit universities around the country. I spent many long days helping my family or avoiding do any work at all. I missed my friends and my cats, but I got to see many friends as well. I sang Outkast's "Hey Ya" at the top of my lungs with my best friend, in her car with the windows rolled down, and a woman in the next car over smiled at us. I spent time in Kraków, Poland, an experience so incredible and extraordinary that I struggle to fully describe it. While in Poland, I formed relationships with fellow Hoyas I had never met and/or spoken to before, people I now eagerly spend time with back on the Hilltop. My relationship with God entirely changed in Poland; my relationship with myself entirely changed in Poland.

I'm glad to be back, I'm excited for a new year, and I'm blessed to have more opportunities to love, to learn, and to change in this school year.

Take care!

Exeunt, Pursued by Bears

National Mall, May 8, 2016

My apologies for breaking my biweekly post schedule! I was waiting to finish finals and get back to Georgia. I am now, officially, finished with my freshman year of college! I've been home for a week and a half; I'm unpacked, mostly caught up on sleep, and settling into summer lethargy and heat.

I ended the semester with a 3.7 GPA! I still don't know my class schedule for next semester because I'm waitlisted for two courses. Now I have an entire summer to help the family move, say goodbye to Georgia, and indulge. Since my family is moving mid-summer, I won't be interning or working, so there's plenty of time to help renovate and pack, to read, to research, to run, and to enjoy the sun.

The week before I left DC, my friend Audrey asked me, "What did you learn this year?" I've been thinking about that question frequently lately. Of course I learned about linguistics, ethics, Hispanic culture, theology, and justice & peace theories, but I've learned so much more than that, too. I've learned I'm not good at sharing a living space, and I've learned I need structure to survive with sanity intact. I've learned I'm a lot like my dad in more ways than one, from our music tastes to our need for solitude and peace. I've learned the value of dialogue, of listening attentively to others' opinions and thoughts, of engaging with others' ideas. I've learned how to find God in just about anything, but especially in religious and spiritual texts of other traditions. I've learned my way around DC, ways to stay safe, the value of a square foot of space, and how often to call my parents.

This past year was far from easy, but it was worth it. I'm nervous for my sophomore year, because I'm still trying to solidify my new friendships and being home again has shown me how much loving relationships keep me emotionally and mentally healthy. One of my main goals this summer is to form strong healthy habits so that I can start my sophomore year in good shape.

I'm not sure if I will update this blog throughout the summer, or how frequently those updates may come. I hope you all have a wonderful summer whether you are working, studying, traveling, or resting! Take some time to appreciate your growth in the past twelve months. Every day is a new challenge, a new adventure. Let's enjoy it.

Untitled #2

Dahlgren Chapel in 1952, from the University Archives

On Friday night, Annemarie Hodge died. Mrs. Hodge was my kindergarten teacher, an incredibly kind and caring woman. In a parent-teacher meeting, instead of calling me bossy she said I had "a tendency to overuse [my] leadership abilities." She pronounced my name differently, in a way that made five-year-old me feel fancy. She was patient and supportive, even when I was poorly behaved (which happened often at five years old). After leaving her class, she always greeted me with a big smile. I felt painfully awkward and out of place as a child, and Mrs. Hodge always made me feel welcome and important. I don't think I was particularly special in that regard; she treated everyone like they were important and special. She taught many children, including special needs students. Mrs. Hodge had two young sons and a husband who works at the Johns Creek Police Department. It's hard for me to explain why her death is so upsetting to me. I haven't seen her in at least two years, possibly more. Her role in my life largely ended fourteen years ago. Still, her influence was incredibly important in my early development. I wasn't bossy, I was just learning when to be a leader and when to take a step back. I wasn't a nuisance or a bad kid, I just needed some patience and kind but firm direction. I don't think it's fair that Mrs. Hodge died. Of all the people in the world, she was one of the better ones. She helped so many people, me included. She's left behind two sons and a husband, among other family members, and there are so many people that she could have helped.

Recently I was in conversation with Father Greg Schenden and Reverend Bryant Oskvig, the University's Catholic and Protestant Chaplains, respectively, and both men agreed that they prefer to officiate funerals over weddings. When I asked why, Father Greg explained, "At funerals, people come searching for meaning." Weddings, they said, are much more perfunctory, but at funerals, their services are fully utilized. In the face of death, we all search for meaning.

Yesterday the Georgetown student body received an email from the Vice President of Student Affairs, titled "Sad News." A junior from the Business School died, the second Georgetown student to pass away this semester. The first was a freshman from the School of Foreign Service over Easter Break. We're all searching for meaning.

In Other News

On a happier note, I have some updates on my life. This week is the final week of classes of my freshman year. Next Monday is the last day of classes, and Tuesday through Thursday are study days. Finals begin Friday and last until May 14th. God willing, I will be back in Georgia by May 15th. I have approximately eight more assignments and/or exams until it's time to pack up my dorm room.

Last Friday I met with the director of the Justice and Peace Studies (JUPS) program, and declared my double major! Introducing Hannah Q Wingett, linguistics and JUPS double major at Georgetown University. Tentatively my JUPS concentration is Religion/Catholicism & Peace/Social Justice. The title will be formalized later in my Georgetown career.

Next year I might be leading a small faith group through Campus Ministry, possibly on "Suffering & Healing." I'm hoping to continue my involvement in the organizations I currently support, so next year will be quite the challenge with my preexisting commitments, my RA position, and leading a small group. Prayers and support, as always, are greatly appreciated.

I hope you all have a wonderful day, readers. Remember to appreciate the moment you're in. In the words of C.S. Lewis, "The humans live in time but [God] destines them to eternity. He therefore, I believe, wants them to attend chiefly to two things, to eternity itself, and to that point of time with they call the Present. For the Present is the point at which time touches eternity. Of the present moment, and of it only, humans have an experience analogous to the experience which [God] has of reality as a whole; in it alone freedom and actuality are offered them." Be well.

One Year Later

Dahlgren Chapel & Healy Hall, March 28, 2016

One year ago today, I filled out some paperwork, paid $900, and thus officially committed to Georgetown. I hoped to get a room in New South, major in linguistics, and prepare myself for a career in international diplomacy. I had a house in Georgia, two cats, and no idea how dramatically my life was about to change. Right now I sit in room 301 of Village C West, a linguistics and justice & peace studies double major with a potential minor in Spanish. I have no cats, and my house in Georgia will be sold in the next three months. I've seen the Pope, met Vice President Joe Biden, and sat fifteen feet in front of presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. I've learned more than I knew could be learned in just one year. I've been introduced to so much music.

Today I woke up late and put on a sundress. I had scrambled eggs and cinnamon rolls and soy milk, and then I ran a few errands. Afterwards, I did a few readings before getting dinner with my lovely friend Julia, and then we went for a short walk that ended in Dahlgren Chapel. We said hey to Jesus, and then parted ways to do work.

A year and four days ago, I was still grappling with the overwhelming prospect of student loan debt. A year ago, I took a big chance, and decided that Georgetown would be worth it. I was right. Despite my mental illness, which still plagues me and occasionally makes me more miserable than I want to admit where my grandma is going to see it, I'm happier here at Georgetown than I could have been at any other university. I've learned so much about life, about people, and about the world. Georgetown fosters communication—I've learned to listen here better than ever before. I, thankfully, can read at a much faster rate than I could in high school. My mind is being opened to so many ideas, and my heart has grown so much.

In the end, this is all to say, I'm grateful. I'm grateful I listened to my instincts telling me I wouldn't be happy at UGA, even though UGA would have been a much smarter financial move. I'm grateful my parents trusted me when I made my decision. I'm grateful that Georgetown gave me as much aid as they did, and that Wells Fargo stepped in to supply the remaining balance. I'm grateful for every faculty & staff member at Georgetown, who form the atmosphere and philosophy of the university. I'm grateful for the prospect of change. I'm grateful I survived the transition to college. I'm grateful my family could visit me here in DC. Thank you all for reading and for supporting me. I appreciate you all very much. Be well, and trust your instincts, which are the Holy Spirit working through you.

Art & Positivity

Diana by Hiram Power

June by John White Alexander

Today has been long with ups and downs. One of the best parts of my day was visiting the Smithsonian Museum of American Art and seeing these two beautiful pieces. I love the moon on Diana's tiara, and the slight ambiguity of the title June delights me – is that woman June, or is the painting a tribute to the month? Art is incredible, and I'm thrilled I was able to stop by the museum today.

When life is hard, I have to focus on the positive aspects. Life cannot be bad, but it can be easy to get overwhelmed. (Life can't be bad because God is life, and God is The Best.) I'm a little overwhelmed lately with a barrage of papers and exams and presentation in the next two weeks. Having so much to do makes it easy to slip into a crisis mindset in which everything is bad or an inconvenience, but that's just not true.

Today I had three meals and clean water to drink and clean with. I visited a free museum with a wide variety of art styles and uncensured pieces. I can type this blog post and listen to music and have electricity. I go to a fantastic school in a fascinating city. I'm safe, and alive, and relatively healthy. The temperature was nice today, and there are a lot of flowers to admire. I'm blessed, no matter how many tasks there are on my to-do list.

(If you care, here is my to-do list for today:

• read True American
• read "Living Water"
• write JUPS reflection paper
• study vocab (Spanish)
• study grammar (Spanish)
• study cultural content (Spanish)
• work on presentation
• this blog post
• submit passport application
• start linguistics homework
• email Prof. Amster
• submit financial aid form
• call Grandma Ruth
• confirm housing assignment
• probably do laundry
• go to Mass at Father Steck's
• decide whether to apply to be a peer advisor
• remind parents to bring boxes when they visit

Some of these have been completed already today, but most have not. Cheers, folks.)

Spring~

Atlanta Botanical Gardens as of 3/9/2016

Right now, I would love to take a nap. Instead, I'm working on checking things off the to-do list—as usual, it's a pretty long list. Unfortunately my midterms season straddled spring break, so although I successfully made it to spring break, I'm currently trying to make it to Easter break late next week.

Yes, Georgetown students get two breaks in the spring semester, spring break and Easter break; it's one of the perks of going to a Catholic school. Spring break is an entire week, and for my break, I went back to Georgia. Last week the weather in Georgia was delightful, and I wore shorts for the first time in roughly four months. It was wonderful to go back home for a little while and spend time with family and friends. 

Easter break is five days, so next week we will not have class Thursday through the following Monday. I plan on spending my Easter break in southern Virginia at my aunt Judy's house; it's going to be a great reward for surviving this next week. Other ways I will reward myself: sleep. So much sleep. I will watch the new season of Daredevil (which premieres on Netflix tomorrow!!). I will take walks in nature, and I will remind myself that life is more than a to-do list.

Sorry for the short (and three days late) post today, but a Spanish essay is calling my name. Take care!

Leap!

White House State Dining Room on February 27, 2016

Hello, all! Things have been moving quickly for me lately.

Friends!

Just this past weekend, my dear friend Melissa came to visit me here in DC. She arrived Friday afternoon and left this morning, and in those two and a half days, we visited the White House, the Kennedy Center, the Folger Shakespeare Library, The Hamilton (a restaurant on 14th Street), the Georgetown Neighborhood Public Library, Good Stuff Eatery, and Pie Sisters. We walked at least 15 miles in two days and got relatively little sleep. It was absolutely wonderful to see her, and I'm so grateful that she came.

RA

Last Thursday, I received an email notifying me that I am going to be an RA! I'll be staying another year in this dorm, Village C West (VCW)! I'm thrilled to have the chance to help new freshmen adjust to Georgetown and to college life in general. Mom is particularly pleased that RA financial benefits include housing and a meal plan. Next year is thus far looking good!

Moving

Since I was a small child, my parents have talked about wanting to move "back home" to be closer to family. I didn't understand the complicated nature of moving at the time, so I went to school often saying, "We're moving to Nebraska!" One year, a couple of girls asked me, "Why are you still going to school here? I thought you were moving to Nebraska."

Well, finally we are moving to Nebraska—or rather, my family is. My mother just signed the paperwork for a new job and announced it to her coworkers and friends, so the news is public. My family will be moving to Omaha this summer, hopefully at the end of June. Until then, my father will rapidly paint, renovate, and otherwise pretty-up my childhood home. My mother will start her new job in April, commuting occasionally but mostly working long-distance, and my sisters will finish their last school year at Ocee Elementary and their last few months of being Georgia girls.

As for me, I will return home after finals and help pack up the house. I will help my family move into the house in Omaha, and in mid-August I will return to DC. At that point DC will be my home. I will of course visit my parents in Omaha and my friends in Atlanta, but I will live in DC.

Midterms

Academics are currently stressful! I have a hundred things to do before I go home to Georgia this Friday, and over my spring break I will spend time with my family, my friends, and my textbooks, getting ready for Round Two after the break. Once I make it through this week, I can sleep, at least a little bit more than I have been lately.

To Sum Up:

I am tired. I'm feeling more at home here in DC. I'm excited about some things and happy about some things and anxious about some things, and overall I'm just ready for the nap I'm going to take an hour from now.

I hope everyone is doing well!

P.S.: I'm pleased I get to make a post on February 29. Cheers!

Loss

2000-2016

I am having a really hard time. I feel weird about putting that on the internet where I know my grandma can read it, but it's true. My cat died last week. I am struggling. I am crying as I type. I have cancelled on a lot of people in the past week because I don't want to go anywhere or see people or do things. I want not to think. I want her to be alive. I want to hold her.

I'm a little late on this week's post. I delayed because I was busy and because I didn't feel right about posting something primarily negative.

Here are the positives in my life right now:

• I have shelter, food, and clean water.
• I have clothes & blankets that keep me warm during this cold of winter.
• The sun is setting later and later; today it was 5:20 when I suddenly realized it was still bright outside and I silently, slightly, rejoiced.
• I have a lot of people who love me.
• I have cute things to brighten up my life—art from Cassie on my wall, a drawing from my cousin Cameron, a pretty flowery keyboard cover, nice stickers on my computer, lovely blankets.
• I go to school in an amazing city, at an amazing university.
• Jesuits exist and I'm friends with a few of them.
• Chaplains-in-residence are really great, and I can email them at any time to set up a coffee date.
• I can walk and run and otherwise move independently.
• I have a teddy bear from my best friend Helen that I can hug because, in the words of her little brother Ethan, "you can't be sad when you're hugging a teddy bear." (I'm sorry to report that, actually, you can.)
• My classes are interesting this semester, and I'm involved in really interesting discussion groups for the semester as well.

There are probably more. Writing this list was helpful for me because I am very sad and depressed, and it was helpful to be reminded of my blessings in life. I'm sorry for a primarily negative blog post; I hope you'll forgive me.

Home

The Lantern Bookstore on P Street

I have a few new goals for this semester, all working toward one big goal: feel at home in DC. I want to go out and explore much more—find the cool little shops around the city, beautiful study spaces for when I need a change of scenery, and the best places to get a smoothie. I want DC to feel like home. Right now, my home is still Johns Creek, but my family won't live there forever. Ever since I was a child, my parents have talked about wanting to move back to Nebraska, and now that I live in DC, there's very little stopping them from finally moving. I won't always have Johns Creek to come back to, so I need to make DC my new home. Living here, it seems, isn't enough. I have to get to know the place, too.

Today my friend Julia and I walked down P Street toward the public library, and we found a cool shop that sells "Used & Rare!" books. I'm considering making every Sunday my day to get off campus and find something cool and new. I would say I like DC, but honestly, I don't know it well enough yet. We've only just met.

Blizzards?

Last weekend DC, along with much of the East Coast, was hit with a large storm. Along the southern coast was mostly rain, but the DMV area was hit with more snow than I've ever seen in my life. There was a frankly horrific amount of snow. Growing up in Georgia, I didn't see much snow. In two days, 22 inches of snow fell on DC, and I was overwhelmed. During the snow storm a few friends and I walked about a mile to deliver food to a soup kitchen; the streets were deserted and everything felt eerily apocalyptic. Classes were cancelled on Monday and Tuesday, and then I became very sick and missed class on Wednesday and Thursday. There is still snow on the ground everywhere, but the roads and sidewalks are (mostly) clear. 

Today is a beautiful, sunny 57 degrees. I'm mostly healthy again, although I still have a bit of a stuffy nose, and Jesuit Heritage Week begins this evening. Jesuit Heritage Week is essentially a week-long celebration of the Society of Jesus, and Georgetown celebrates with Jesuit-student volleyball matches, special prayer services and religious services, and a number of talks and events. Tonight I'll be attending puja, the Hindu religious service, as part of Jesuit Heritage Week and also to complement my readings in my theology class. (Aunt Judy, if you're reading this, I'll be sending a few essays on Hinduism your way very soon!) 

I'm excited to start a new week, a new month, a new and sunny phase of life. Be well and happy, my readers! And let me know if there is anything I can do for you, such as writing about specific topics or even just including you/your intentions in my prayers.

Snowy Beginnings

Snow & Book Hill Park, January 17th, 2016

I've been back in DC for less than a week, and on two separate occasions have enjoyed the beauty of falling snow! The snow isn't sticking yet, but it's still beautiful.

My first three days of classes were fine and even interesting, despite just being the introductory syllabus week. This semester will be extremely busy, and to stay on top of things, I'll have to work very hard. I'm considering dropping a class so that I have a little more time to breathe, but we'll see how everything turns out.

On my plane ride back to DC, I listened to the musical Hamilton, which I highly recommend. A blend of hip-hop, rap, R&B, and musical theatre, Hamilton follows the life of Founding Father Alexander Hamilton, an immigrant who "[wrote] like he's running out of time" and rose from poverty to fame through determination and hard work. The musical was written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, the son of an immigrant who also works insanely hard. Listening to such an inspiring story by and about hard-working people was a great motivator for the beginning of this semester. Over the past few days I've often said, "Alexander Hamilton would have started and finished that by now," and, "Lin-Manuel Miranda would do this immediately." It's always a pleasure and a gift to find new sources of inspiration and motivation.

I am currently writing this post from the Georgetown Public Library, an old and beautiful building that looks like it could have been a plantation house once upon a time. I can't imagine the history that must have occurred here, the people that have been here, and it's an amazing place to work and think. The collection of books is quite good as well, and I have five books I'm going to check out and hopefully find time to read. I don't want my life to be all work, all the time. I doubt I could survive that with my sanity intact.

My classes are quite interesting for this semester! Already I've learned that the human tongue is a muscular hydrostat (meaning it has no bone, cartilage, or other structure) and its "closest biological analogs are the trunk of an elephant and the tentacle of an octopus" (from Sounds of Language by Elizabeth Zsiga). I've learned about Hinduism, fairy tales, native languages in Latin America, and the complications of "justice" and its meanings. I'm confident that this semester will be interesting and engaging; I'm hopeful that I'll escape in one piece!

Be well, warm, and happy on this lovely Sunday!