Loss

2000-2016

I am having a really hard time. I feel weird about putting that on the internet where I know my grandma can read it, but it's true. My cat died last week. I am struggling. I am crying as I type. I have cancelled on a lot of people in the past week because I don't want to go anywhere or see people or do things. I want not to think. I want her to be alive. I want to hold her.

I'm a little late on this week's post. I delayed because I was busy and because I didn't feel right about posting something primarily negative.

Here are the positives in my life right now:

• I have shelter, food, and clean water.
• I have clothes & blankets that keep me warm during this cold of winter.
• The sun is setting later and later; today it was 5:20 when I suddenly realized it was still bright outside and I silently, slightly, rejoiced.
• I have a lot of people who love me.
• I have cute things to brighten up my life—art from Cassie on my wall, a drawing from my cousin Cameron, a pretty flowery keyboard cover, nice stickers on my computer, lovely blankets.
• I go to school in an amazing city, at an amazing university.
• Jesuits exist and I'm friends with a few of them.
• Chaplains-in-residence are really great, and I can email them at any time to set up a coffee date.
• I can walk and run and otherwise move independently.
• I have a teddy bear from my best friend Helen that I can hug because, in the words of her little brother Ethan, "you can't be sad when you're hugging a teddy bear." (I'm sorry to report that, actually, you can.)
• My classes are interesting this semester, and I'm involved in really interesting discussion groups for the semester as well.

There are probably more. Writing this list was helpful for me because I am very sad and depressed, and it was helpful to be reminded of my blessings in life. I'm sorry for a primarily negative blog post; I hope you'll forgive me.